Supporting Someone Through their Breast Cancer Treatment
Whether your friend or family member is newly diagnosed or in the midst of treatment, you will want to do all you can to help. As your local breast cancer charity, we have put together some ways of helping that you might find useful.
Hands-on support
Many people want to carry on doing as much as possible during their treatment and you should encourage this – it helps things feel more ‘normal’. However, side effects can sometimes make it more difficult for your loved one to carry on with the everyday tasks and asking for help is not always easy.
Knowing how to help can often be tricky too. Your loved one may not have the brain space to say what they need, and you also need to think about what you’re able to do and how much time you’re able to commit.
Instead of saying ‘What can I do for you?’ try focussing on something specific so ‘Would you like me to pick the children up from school tomorrow?’ or ‘Give me a shopping list and I’ll drop it on your doorstep so you don’t even have to chat if you’re too tired.’
Give your loved one an ‘open ended invite’. They may not know how they will feel day to day, so call or message and ask how they are on that day and make a plan from there.
Other ideas we have been told could help are:
Cleaning
Hoovering
Washing, ironing or putting away clothes – take a load home and drop it back
Gardening – even just some weeding or mowing the lawn
Cooking some meals for the freezer that are nutritious and just need heating up
Offering a lift to and from any hospital appointments – as friends, could you share a rota?
Taking their children to or from school, to the park or cinema to allow them to rest
Babysitting
Shopping – grab a shopping list and just do it or order an online shop for them
Research – do they need help looking for make up or wigs
Your loved one may well be stubborn and not want to accept help or they may even feel embarrassed. Keep trying but be careful not to take over!
Emotional support
When you are diagnosed with breast cancer, you’re likely to experience many different emotions ranging from anger, fear, sadness and even depression.
Feelings can change from day to day and even hour to hour – that is all totally ‘normal’ and ok. As a friend or family member looking on, you may find it difficult to know what to say and you may be worried about saying the wrong thing. You’ll also want to make sure you’re helping in the right way.
Just being there for someone and standing alongside them is the most important way of helping and supporting.
Let the tears fall - yours and theirs! Don’t let it bottle up. Physical contact (if they are happy and you feel comfortable) is good too – touching an arm, holding a hand or giving a hug is a wonderful way of showing your support. And if you aren’t a ‘hugger’, just sitting close and letting them know you are there is more than enough too.
Of course, there may be bad moments and your loved one can become angry. You may take this personally but try not to. Remember that the likelihood is they are upset about what they are going through rather than being upset with you.
If you know other friends or family that have been diagnosed and you think they could help, do suggest it but only at their own pace. They may not be ready to hear about a random friend, so make sure you respect that.
Distract as much as you can and as much as they want to. Sometimes a little joke or a funny story can really lighten the mood. Just sending a message, a funny gift or a postcard can be a great help in them passing the time during certain treatments.
Above all, just being there to listen to your loved one talk about how they are feeling can help them enormously. You don’t always have to try and fix something or have all the answers.
Don’t forget you!
Supporting a loved one can be demanding on your time and upsetting, so we want to remind you to look after yourself as well.
We would say, make sure you’re eating well, exercising if you can – just a little walk can do wonders! Try and get a good night’s sleep, if you have lots on your mind, write it down in a notebook so you can come back to it.
If you are finding it difficult to do these things and are feeling overwhelmed, let a friend, family member or your GP know – they are all there to help you too.