How to Support a Friend or Family Member with Breast Cancer
As your breast CARE charity, we want to do all we can to help & support not only those directly receiving treatment for breast cancer but those around them too.
When cancer gate-crashes your life, it affects everyone, friends, family and works colleagues too therefore let’s talk about how we can all work together to support one another as it can be tricky to find the right balance of support.
The first rule to remember is that when someone is receiving breast cancer treatment you can get caught up in a cancer bubble, often if Oncology or Radiotherapy is required this will consist of weekly visits to the hospital, a few days of recovery then a few days of feeling almost half-human again – this treatment cycle can last for several months so top tip: Know when your loved one is having said treatment, ask them if they have noticed what their good & bad days are, that way if you do wish to visit or make plans, then you can do so on those better days.
The next top tip is do not be afraid to talk about the C-word, it’s real, it’s happening so don’t feel that you can’t talk about it. Yes, there are other topics of conversation that you can move on to but don’t be afraid to say ‘’how are you?’’ or ‘’how’s the treatment?’’, The likelihood is that your loved one has heard this a million times already but it shows you care and right now, showing you care is the best gift you can give – get the elephant in the room, the C-word out of the way and move on to better subjects.
Never be afraid you will say the wrong thing as this can turn into avoidance. It can be overwhelming talking to someone with a cancer diagnosis. But don't let worry about saying the wrong thing stop you reaching out. Don’t be that person who doesn’t know what to say and so they say nothing!!!
The next tip of the day is how to balance out those ‘just touching base’ texts and telephone calls. We have been told that often people can feel overwhelmed with well wishes and whilst we all want to show we care this can at times be more of a hindrance and a pressure on your loved one that they just don’t need at this moment. So how about this:
If you are part of a group for instance family members, friends or work colleagues set up a WhatsApp group and let everyone know that you have checked in, and the response received. For instance, let’s say your loved one has recently had surgery and they need to follow a strict treatment plan, it can be tiring writing out the same message to lots of people so wouldn’t it save so much time if together you could communicate with each other.
This works well with checking in too, perhaps have a chosen check-in day per person, so you aren’t all messaging at once. Let your loved one know that you are doing this, it's not a secret club it’s a care club – a small thoughtful group of those that care, all supporting one another in a caring and thoughtful way.
Maybe nominate each person to be responsible for a joke once a week, a meaningful quote or a photo message of happier memories – Maybe get together over a glass of wine or some delicious food and set up a plan of action.
Next tip, whilst flowers and gifts are wonderful and don’t get us wrong, who doesn’t love gifts here and there, there is no need to continue to buy gifts, there are only so many scented candles or lip balm anyone needs so do not feel obliged to keep buying flowers, chocolates, and gifts – the best gift you can give is your love and the best way to show that love is by thoughtfulness.
And finally, the best tip of all is to keep sharing. When a loved one battles cancer it's hard for us all to touch base with each other – in particular the partner, husband or wife of the person receiving the treatment. We often hear that it's those who try and be the strongest for the one they love that will find it the hardest, particularly husbands and this is just our opinion here, but men are often the worst for hiding their emotions.
Therefore, a little check in here and there on the men supporting their loved ones is such a good idea. Go for a beer, a curry or a bike ride, a stomp on the moors or whatever their chosen release activity may be just get them out and get them talking as we are pretty confident in saying that if you don’t go to them, they certainly won't come to you.
We hope you found this article interesting, please feel free to copy and paste the link and send it out to anyone you think may benefit from the above advice.
You may also find our article, providing a helping hand useful as it talks about the emotional roller coaster of finding out your loved one has breast cancer and how together you can get through this.
This article is especially aimed at the partners of those going through treatment.
https://www.primrosefoundation.org/bits-and-blogs/2022/1/11/providing-a-helping-hand
Our other useful article called ‘Supporting a loved one through treatment’ is also worth a read too. Knowing how to help someone you care about with breast cancer can be tricky, therefore please read over some more useful tips here.
This article is particularly useful for friends, neighbours, and work colleagues.