Birgit's Story
Hello, my name is Birgit and this is my story.
On Saturday 6th February 2021 whilst I was having a shower, I suddenly felt a lump in the upper part of my left breast. Naturally, the lump worried me a bit. After about 3 weeks of the lump not disappearing, I decided to book an appointment with my GP.
Looking back, I think I was in denial. I had visited The Primrose Unit twice before and been told there wasn’t anything to be concerned about. This time was different since there was a well-defined lump - I think admitting to oneself that there is something wrong was a frightening step.
The first person whom I told about the lump was a good friend who urged me to see my GP. Despite the Covid pandemic and reduced appointments at GP surgeries, I was booked in with a female GP the following week and after the clinical examination, the GP looked concerned and said that I needed to take this seriously and explained that she would do an urgent 2-week-wait-referral to the Primrose Breast Care Centre at University Hospitals Plymouth.
My appointment arrived very quickly, and I remember the day very well. I was quite anxious and worried.
After a short wait, I was called in to see a Consultant Breast Surgeon who examined me and arranged for me to have mammograms of both breasts and an ultrasound. The Radiologist then explained that she needed to take biopsies from two sites in my breast - nobody had mentioned to me beforehand that I had 2 tumours in my left breast therefore this was a bit of a shock to me.
I found the biopsies quite painful. The Radiologist explained that my left breast was very dense, making it difficult to sample the tissue with the biopsy needle. Thankfully the Radiologist was very calm, but I was very distressed, and my body was shaking all over. Then it just came out and I asked her ‘’is it cancer?’’ she said yes, but she said that the lymph nodes most likely look clear which was in many ways some relief.
After the biopsies, I was back in the waiting room waiting to be called into the consultation room where I saw the Breast Surgeon and two Breast Nurse Specialists. The word Mustard Tree was mentioned but nobody openly mentioned the word cancer. I was given a sick note as I was not able to continue to work.
I left the hospital and headed home. I live alone, so that was a worry to be on my own. I have 2 cats who are great company, but I had to talk to someone, so I called my friend and then my aunt.
I decided not to tell my parents as I was advised to wait until my results were back to be sure of a cancer diagnosis. It was not that easy to pretend to my parents that things were okay.
On the 25th March 2021, I had my follow-up appointment at The Primrose Centre. The biopsies confirmed multifocal breast cancer and I was told I would need a mastectomy.
The final results after the surgery confirmed that I had:
Multifocal invasive ductal carcinoma of the left breast
Tumour 1: 20mm, grade 2
Tumour 2: 14mm, grade 1
Both tumours were strongly driven by oestrogen and HER2 negative and contained DCIS. There was 1 sentinel lymph node which was free from cancer.
My parents live in Germany and due to the lockdown, I was not able to visit them. Then in mid-March, my mum had an accident. I had to tell her about my breast cancer diagnosis whilst she was poorly in hospital.
My dad and brother were in shock with two of us being poorly but were unable to support me greatly, therefore, I was very reliant on friends and colleagues. I feel very blessed as they were all amazing and hugely supportive.
Because of the Covid pandemic, there was no option for immediate reconstruction or implants. My Breast Surgeon explained that this was something I could if I wanted to, explore later on. I was told that my mastectomy was to be a day-case surgery which took me by surprise and shock. I was told that I would only need paracetamol and ibuprofen for pain relief. I remember finding this difficult to believe that the pain would be mild to moderate after such an operation.
I think right from the start I was quite certain that I didn’t want breast reconstruction. I never felt that my breasts were that important to me. I wished for symmetry, but I learnt that breast surgeons are quite reluctant to remove a healthy breast.
My mastectomy was booked for 1st April 2021 which was the Thursday before the 4-day Easter Bank Holiday weekend. In the morning I had a radioactive injection into my left areola in nuclear medicine to help locate my sentinel lymph node.
I then had to wait in the main waiting area in the Primrose Centre to be called for my surgery. As I was advised it may be a bit of a wait, I brought along a scarf to knit but as the hours passed my wool was beginning to run short, it was at this point that I felt very alone and within my panic had a bit of a meltdown.
Eventually, I was called to theatre and recall waking up in recovery and hearing the Consultant say ‘’the operation went well’’, then I was told that I would be kept in hospital for a night which was a relief as I knew it was late. I managed to drink and eat something later that evening and give a few people a quick call or text to let them know I was okay. Provisionally I had organised neighbours to feed my cats. So, I knew they were well looked after.
The following day I returned home. A friend picked me up form the hospital and stayed with me for one night.
I tried from day 1 post-surgery to keep mobile and wanted to go for little walks: initially with a friend then on my own. Walking in the spring sun and nature was a big comfort to me. I did some arm exercises from day 1 which proved very useful although quite painful. I found little videos online were better for me than the exercise sheet I was given.
My drain was removed on day 5 and the dressings on day 7 post-surgery. Seeing my scar for the first time in the mirror was a shock. It felt like being at the hairdresser’s, but of course different since suddenly one has the mirror in front of the chest and sees that very long scar across the chest wall for the first time.
I managed gradually to do more things in my house, and it was incredible how much support I had from so many people. Offers of food and housework were very much appreciated. I met up with people for walks. I think walking in nature especially with other people really helped me physically and mentally.
And here I am now, focusing on my rehabilitation and enjoying life again, although I have some issues with chronic post-mastectomy neuropathic pain.
I started to enjoy a lot of my sporty activities again, walking, running, kayaking, swimming, and yoga. They all help me with my body confidence, physical and mental well-being and keeping my body flexible and in shape.
The first time I sat in a kayak after my mastectomy was pure bliss and then I did a very long paddle from Mount Batten to Penlee Point just 7 weeks after the surgery.
I have also started sea swimming with friends.
In the beginning I found it quite odd to wear a prosthesis, so I gave the soft prosthesis to my cats Dexter and Ollie to play with which caused some amusement at a follow-up appointment at the Primrose Unit. I now wear mostly the boost prosthesis and I can use this for swimming as well. The knitted knockers are also very comfortable and are provided free by a charity.
I would recommend to other patients to be kind to themselves. Don’t expect too much from yourself and be patient.
I found support and help in joining the local Bosom Pals Facebook group and Flat Friends. The Breast Cancer Now website is very helpful as are The Primrose Foundation blogs. The specialist nurse’s support was invaluable during my recovery.
I think a cancer diagnosis makes you realise that you don’t live forever, and that life is very precious. It makes you realise that there are many things which are out of our control and that we need to learn to live with uncertainties. At best we should live in the moment and enjoy each moment.
I started to exercise more and eat healthier food. I started running again and completed the Plymouth Half-Marathon this year and raised some money for The Primrose Foundation which I am very proud of.
I have made a list of things which I use to remind myself of aspects of my life which are in my control:
Be with friends and other people
Find enjoyment and gratitude every day
Harbour positive thoughts and be hopeful
Eat well, slowly and healthily
Drink little alcohol
Exercise and move daily
Take tamoxifen daily
Have a break or some rest each day and have enough sleep
Try to respond to adversities calmly (not always that easy and not my strength, I need to improve in this)
Try to accept and manage my emotions (not always that easy and not my strength, I need to improve in this)
Live in the moment and be present in the moment
Be regularly in nature
Accept situations which I can’t change
Be more interested in others
Accept the breast cancer and my mastectomy
Embrace my scar and my body as it is
Before my diagnosis, I took many things for granted, Now I feel more like I proactively do something with my life. I would like to carry and live that rebellious hope which was described by Dame Deborah James. I also would like to be more accepting of myself and others.